Frankly Speaking – 5/5/14

Dear Frank,

A friend of mine’s brother recently attempted suicide. This is not his first attempt, and my friend is understandably very upset. Is there anything that I could tell her that would help her be able to help her brother?

Suicide is, for obvious reasons, a very serious matter and professional intervention would seem necessary. If he will not seek treatment voluntarily, most (if not all, I believe) states allow for involuntary commitment when a person poses a threat to him- or herself. These may be options that are sought to help her brother.

Here is the harsh truth about suicide: it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The afflicted individual, however, does not see his or her situation as temporary. He sees no other way out. Hope no longer exists for a better tomorrow. As outsiders, we can often see potential that the troubled person does not. We can see how things can get better. We see the hope that they don’t.

Suicide is also a very selfish act. This may not sit well with some to hear, but the fact remains: an individual who commits suicide often does so to escape the pain that they are experiencing. In doing so, however, pain is inflicted upon the loved ones left behind.

Both suicide and attempted suicide are bound to invoke similar feelings in loved ones, although obviously there will be some great relief accompanied by an attempt over a completion. In both circumstances though, loved ones are often left with their own guilt. That they “should” have seen something coming, that they “should” have been more involved with the individual, and that they “should” have helped more.

Help your friend to realize that she does have an opportunity to point her brother in the right direction and get him the professional help it sounds like he needs. Help her to understand that she is not responsible for his actions. It is not her fault. It is no one’s fault.  Help her to feel supported by you. Make sure your friend knows that YOU recognize that she is doing everything she can do to help, because I promise she will not believe it on her own.

We are always left thinking we could have done more.

By being supportive, you can actually model for your friend how to show support for her brother. Your friend can pass along encouragement that there are still things worth fighting for and that everything that can be done will be done to help.

Because everyone needs someone to fight for them when they temporarily feel unable to fight for themselves.

“Frankly Speaking” is a weekly segment on this blog that provides an opportunity for my readers to ask questions aimed at better understanding themselves, others, or their relationship with others. Each week I will select some of those questions to answer here. As you can see, the askers of those questions remain anonymous.

To submit a potential question for future installments, the only thing that I ask is that you first become a fan of my Facebook page. “Like” my page, and then send me a private message with your question(s). Until next week!

Comments are closed.

Visit Us On FacebookVisit Us On TwitterVisit Us On Google PlusCheck Our Feed